Blue Fish

 

It is what it is. It’s just easier, he thought, besides he couldn’t afford it. It’s expensive to have a girlfriend. His heart aches. Yes it is expensive. He is sitting at the edge of his bed, pizza boxes under his feet, how long has he been staring at that empty aquarium? What other kind of fish he likes he thought. Except for those shiny blue metallic ones. His drawing teacher in kinder garden had forbidden for the whole class to color their fish blue claiming blue fish is none existent. He remembers clearly one day he drew a huge fish and spent hours filling it up with all shades of blue possible. He looked at the blank canvas she’d bought over a week ago still in the corner of the room, he looked at his toes, yes it was definitely expensive to have a girl friend, he looked at his palms, why had he hung up on her, why was he so used to pressing that damned red button while she was talking? Her words would all weave together like a crowd of algae wrapping around his neck and he couldn’t take it when he couldn't take it, he couldn’t breathe. She was constantly talking, she talked more than necessary and that’s why he felt the need to hang up in the middle of her conversations time to time, it was not even a form of complaint he thought, he just couldn’t breathe. And since last time he hung up it’s been three days and no news from her, she wouldn’t pick up, she simply acted as if she does not see him anymore. Does she see him? His heart aches. Spicy bitch. He did not care. Colorful bitch. He really did not need much from her but to say hi and bye and have sex and laugh and leave. Complicated bitch. And her paintings. Heartaches. Her paintings. She was going to paint a portrait of his kindergarden teacher and he was going to hang it on top of the aquarium containing the blue fish. If only he could mute her when she went nuts. No he did not. He did not miss seeing her going nuts. With words, memories, colors and the rest of the things within her reach. His eyes fell on his brown leather wallet on the side bed, on top of it receipts of pizzas of the past three days. Yes it was definitely expensive to have a girl friend.